How you relate creates reality

September 23, 2010

I’ve heard Brooks saying that ever since I met him. The statement felt right, seemed right and made a perfect sense, so I agreed with it and took it as a fact, but yesterday, for the first time (as far as I can remember), I realized that the world truly is not like this, this is simply how I see the world. I was walking back to my drawing class from a lunch break and looking at myself, and I realized that my life has fallen into the orderly pattern of work and time off, of not working on weekends, of worrying about being at my computer on time every day, of fulfilling my duties and meeting my obligations. I watched myself being concerned with all this with some surprise, because I don’t need to be at my computer at 10am every day, I don’t need to make sure to work every day and it doesn’t make the least bit of difference whether I work during the week or on weekend, and I don’t used to have duties and obligations – I have things to do that I really enjoy doing. To my life, the way I organized it, all those concerns are meaningless and yet I was concerned with them, and life didn’t feel very good. I didn’t feel free at all. I realized that I wake up in the morning to a day full of things that “have to be done”, full of tasks and problems that have to be taken care of – regardless of whether I want to take care of them or not. Life is not fun, I thought, from this place life it’s ordered, constrained, dominating, overwhelming, controlling … I thought that right before I realized that it’s not life – it’s me. I allow myself to be constrained by the program, to forget who I am and instead become who I should be, I gave up being myself and instead started doing what I should, what I was told, how I was told. Life did not make me do that – I did it. I am what I am, I decided, the way I am, when I am, and nothing else – and life became unlimited and wonderful again, and I found out that how I relate creates reality.

Previous post:

Next post: