God at work

January 12, 2008

There was a question I heard a lot during my zen years. The “uninitiated” would ask: well, if you get rid of all attachments then what will you do? If you overcome all your desires then you won’t feel anything. You won’t want anything, you won’t do anything. And I would give the same answer – there is a difference between “wanting” to do things and “needing” to do things. Mind exists as a defense, it’s very existence is in order to keep us from danger. Whatever we do is done to avoid danger, pain, punishment. For the most part human actions are driven either by the fear of survival (getting education, going to work, having a carrier) or a fear of being excluded from the community, being alone, if we don’t do things the way “it’s done”. This makes sense from mind’s perspective. From this perspective it also makes sense to assume, that if there is no threat of any kind then there is no reason to do anything. A friend of mine told me that the last post on this blog really moved him. He said: “I thought that it really could be so easy, so simple, just enjoy … and immediately the voice said “no, no, I have to work, I have to do things””. The mind kicked in. But what if we leave the mind behind for a while. When I am present to who I am, fully and only God, experiencing the reality and enjoying it immensely – there is no need to do anything, no reason to do anything. Whatever happens, whether pleasurable or not, painful or not – is just another experience, another way to feel how it is to be a human on this earth. There is no reason to react, no reason to protect myself, defend myself. There is only full, total experience of who I am. Who I am is God, who I am is also a human, a woman, a unique experience of God in 3d reality. And what I do, what I create, is an expression of who I am. Just like wagging a tail and chasing a cat is an expression of who my dog is, just like flying is an expression of who bird is – what I do is an expression of who I am. I create my reality by who I am, which expresses itself in what I do. This is, I believe, what’s left after the need, attachment, fear, compulsions, defenses are gone. This is, I believe, why God does things in the human world. Not to defend or protect himself – but to express himself. Do you know those people that “are” what they “do”? Those people that would paint, or play music, or sell things, or teach – no matter where they are, no matter if someone pays them for it or not? I know an artist who knew he wanted to be a painter since he was about 2 years old. He painted and drew constantly, there was absolutely no question in his mind as to what it is he wants to do when he grows up. Money had nothing to do with it, carrier has nothing to do with it, a job, an occupation – it’s all irrelevant. He paints cause he has to. Cause that’s who he is. This is what I am talking about – when we allow ourselves to be fully open and present as who we really are, when we stop identifying with a little flea-mind, when we are God – our actions will be a simple expression of it. There will be no separation, no fear, no doubts whether we are doing the “right thing.” This, I believe, is genius – an action that is a direct expression of God. Totally unique, cause each of us is totally unique. Totally free, cause each of us is totally free. An unqexpectable, unpredictable, unique creation, in whatever form it takes. This is genius. This is the way God works in the world. 🙂

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