I have realized something today while taking my morning walk with Ghani (having a dog is a fantastic catalyst for spiritual realizations by the way, I highly recommend it :).
I thought about the workshop I took last weekend and about being who I am, being who I am in relationship, and I realized that who I am in relationship to myself is crucial. This is exactly what Brooks said but I haven’t seen it so clearly then – I do now.
Who I am is all in relationship, it exists in relationship. More specifically – in how I am in relationship, how I relate. There is a choice that we have, I believe. A choice of who we identify with, our mind, or ourselves. This choice, once made, will make itself clear in the way we relate.
Are we defensive, protective, scared, comfortable … or are we opened, unlimited, undefined, free and unique? Not only in the story of ourselves that lives somewhere in our mind – but in actual relationship, in relationship with others, in reality?
Being God requires just that: BEING God. Being God in relationship, being like God in relationship.
I said in my previous post that it’s easy to be myself when I’m by myself, with myself … I take it back – I realized today that it’s not easy at all, and that it is the most important thing. If I am being God, then I am being that not only in my relationship with others, but also in my relationship with myself. If I judge myself, I feel I’m not good enough, I’m scarred, confused, angry – I am not being God. I am being my mind.
If I then go into reaction, get really scared of loosing myself, of falling, of Brooks being disappointed with me … I am being my mind, not God. Whatever happens in this space, from this space, is mind.
Now this is what happens usually – I get caught into some trauma or another, get scared and then franticly try to “scramble” back up to myself. I make myself do it, I nearly force myself to do it.
Today I realized that this is me relating to myself as mind. Trying to do something, fix something, change something.
Brooks says: allow yourself to open to who you are, gently. I used to think that he puts it this way cause he’s nice, he wants to calm things down … now I realize that the only way to Be God is to relate how God relates. To open, allow, gently. Not to force, fix, make.
The very act of trying to force an awareness makes the awareness impossible to achieve. The only way to experience God is to BE God. Literally BE God. Act as God. Be as God. Open, allow, gently.
