More about love

December 16, 2007

Let me tell you about another man I had the experience of an amazing connection with, quite the same I described in my previous post. This man was not only a total stranger, but a stranger I decidedly didn’t like. It was back in Poland, I think back when I was in college just getting ready to get my masters in psychology. I worked for a while for a recruiting company, traveling to different cities and running meetings with potential employees, choosing those that would be the best-selling agents. There usually was two of us doing the meeting – me and one other person. One time it turned out to be me and this guy, Grzegorz. He just recently moved back to Poland after staying in America for about 10 years. He talked a lot, with terrible american-accented polish. I thought he was such a show off and pretty much hated him. Few weeks later, much to my upset and despair, I found out that I was going to a town miles away to run a meeting with this very guy. This meant almost 3 days spent almost entirely in his company. He joined me on a train on a way there, and he start talking. And he kept on talking. I realized very soon that he is going to keep on talking and that I will not be able to say anything, or not much. So I decided to listen instead. It was not a decision made in anger, resentment or frustration. I just accepted the situation for what it was and rolled with it. And for three days he talked, and I listened. He started with the usual chit chat, progressed to telling me about problems his daughters had with adjusting to living in Poland by the time the train ride was over, and to telling me things that were really deeply important and meaningful in his life, that he hasn’t shared with anyone before by the end of the second day. This was when I started noticing two things: he was really honoring me, he was very courteous and very attentive, making sure I was always taken care of; and second – I started feeling the same deep, wonderful connection. It felt like we were the best of friends, like we knew everything about each other, like I could confide any secret in him (even though I didn’t say anything at all about myself), and that he could say anything to me. And there also was a total lack of any need, no need to extend the relationship, to continue it, absolutely no attachment. I felt so happy, so at peace, and all I did was listen. It was the same sort of relationship that I had with my friend, although it was not the same relationship. What was common in both was the autonomy, independence and freedom. There was no “needs”, no attachments, no strings. There was only the connection. “Love” is a very loaded word, so is “money” or “god”. You say one of those words and you can be sure there will be world of reaction to deal with from all sides, there is so much meaning built up on top of those concepts that one can hardly explain what they mean anymore. There is so much good, so much bad, so much need, so much lack, so much longing, so much hatred, so much disappointment, so much passion. So much meaning, so many stories. Every time someone would tell me” God loves you” I would cringe. I had this physical sensation of something smothering me in sweetness so that I get trapped, glued to all the honey and unable to fly. There was no space there, no freedom. There was this God cuddling me and holding me as though I was a child. I wanted to be free, so I did away with God. Now I realize not only that God loves me, that God is love, but that the experience of connection I had sometimes is the experience of God’s love. It was God loving, it was God being in relationship. It was what happened when I related to a person, rather than allow my flea/mind to relate to them. When I removed “myself” from the relationship and opened fully and completely – there was only love. There was unlimited space, unlimited freedom, unlimited acceptance. This is how God is in relationship. With everything, with everyone. Not only with friends, not only in “romantic” situations. Always – because God is love.

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