How did I learn what I know?

May 29, 2011

How did I learn what I know? What teachers did I work with? What books have I read? What workshops have I attended?

I can tell you all this, I can tell you the stories of my life but they will give you nothing at all.

How did I learn what I know…

I learned by choosing to look, by choosing to question, by choosing to consider. I learned by listening to others and then looking within myself for my response to their words, for my opinion, for my way of seeing what they see.

I learned by looking inside to see my way of being me.

I learn from being in nature, with trees, with plants, with animals. I learn by feeling them, I learn  by moving how they move, by howling how they howl, by resting how they rest. I learn by being in my body the way they are in theirs, I learn from being present as they are.

I learn from being with people, from being with my husband and feeling him, feeling myself with him. I learn by considering my feelings, seeing where they come from, choosing to feel them or to let go of them. I learn from being present to what I feel, to what I think.

I learn by discovering myself.

The world around me, the universe around me, the nature, other humans, are a mirror. They do not teach me of who I am, they do not tell me what I am, they do not give me wisdom that I don’t have. They reflect me, and in their reflection, by choosing to look, to consider, I learn of what I am. And as I learn what I am, I learn what the reality is, what the universe is. My universe, my reality.

There is no teacher born in this world, nor has there ever been one, that can teach me about my reality – because not one of them is me.

I learn by being present as what I am, being present to what I am.

How did I learn to be present? I heard of tools, I practiced them. I sat in meditation and learned how to be still and look inside. I studied with Brooks and learned how to feel and be present beyond the restrictions of my mind. My Zen teacher, Brooks, they taught me methods, they gave me tools, but they did not teach me what I know. That I learned by using the tools they gave me.

Where the tools came from, what teacher taught them, what book were they described in – it doesn’t matter much. Knowing that will give you nothing at all.

The wisdom does not lie in tools, in other people’s heads, in other people’s words, in other people’s books. The wisdom lies in you. One tool is no different from another. If you look for wisdom any tool will help you find it.

If you choose to look for it.

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