in response to the “cobra” entry comment

September 25, 2007

Isn’t such a thing as compatibility, a Mr. or Ms. Right fits that description. God may not need such, but its more fun if there is flow between people. what is “the flow” really? I find that I take certain things for granted when it comes to relationships. Today for example: I did something rather outrageous and, well, somewhat immodest, a while ago. I posed nude to an artist friend of mine. The nude photo will be up on display in a while, for the whole world to see. And it turned out that my husband did not like the photo. And it hurt, I felt suddenly very insecure, I felt that I got myself in a terrible situation where the whole world will see me naked and disapprove of me, think that I’m ugly, and no one will like me and … I was about 5 years old with no friends and a hostile world out there. And so I set to work. As I observed myself, opening to who I am and unmerging from who I am not, I saw the scared child clearly, I also saw my husband’s reaction, his disappointment at seeing me in the picture as less beautiful than the Pausha he sees. As I saw it, present to who I am, unmerged from the child trauma, I was perfectly okay with whatever my husband felt. I was perfectly able and willing to hold space for him to go through whatever he needed to work through. But as soon as I started slipping into the girl trauma, thoughts would start floating into my head: “he should support me”, they said, “he should consider how it feels for me to deal with his reaction”, “he should understand that this is a delicate ground for me and hold space for me better”. And then I would come back to who I am, and those thoughts would go away. What does it mean? From the popular perspective on relationship those thoughts that said “he should…” are right. That’s what husband should do, right? Help, support, make me feel safe. 90 percent of the population would agree with it – and yet, look where those thoughts came from, they came from a girl trauma. And this makes me think – how many other obvious things about relationships comes from just the same place? what is the compatibility really about? Can it be just one ego trying to find another ego to match? Two matching boxes? Maybe and then – maybe not

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