Men and Giant Cobras

September 11, 2007

I am really, I mean REALLY, afraid of snakes. There is something nasty about them, I feel. Something creepy in the way they can sneak up on me, emerge from a crack in a wall, get on me and kill me… well, I don’t like them. Which is why I absolutely freaked out the other day when I was asked to create an image of a King Cobra confronting an elephant. I sat at my computer with an assortment of snakes on display, afraid to touch the mouse, thinking – I am so screwed! I just can’t do this! And then I went to work, and made an image. It came out as an image of cobra and elephant being best friends, cobra being somewhat mild, nice and altogether friendly. This was not the intention of the client – he wanted power, prominence, he wanted the nature opening up in all it’s presence. He wanted the King Cobra that commands instant deference and respect. He wanted the cobra that I was simply not able to handle. I could handle nice, little friendly cobra – but not the real deal. And it got me thinking – you know those phrases: “he doesn’t get it”, “she’s just not for me”, “find the right man”, “find the right woman” etc. – we hear them all the time. When it comes to romantic relationships that fail, saying: “he’s not right for me” are the famous first words, I feel. During my psychology studies back in Poland I was taught how this is simply an excuse, a way to blame the other for ones shortcomings in relationship. I was told that looking for “the right man to make me happy” is exactly the same as “buying a new fridge to make me happy”. The story with a cobra image got me thinking though, and I realized that there may be more to the “not good for me” phrase than simple unwillingness to take responsibility and work things through. I thought of all those times when I thought of my partner as a child, dismissed him off hand as a man – what does man know? Men are so traumatized, so repressed, so unconscious. He can’t reflect me, he can’t handle who I am as a Goddess, he’s just a child. And the question came – what if he could handle me? What if he could reflect me? What if he was the man in all his power and prominence, fully open in his presence? Could I handle him? Could I reflect him then? Could I be a partner for this man – not a child myself, not a little girl that needs someone to MAKE HER feel loved and secure, not a girl who needs someone to pay her bills for her, not a girl who needs someone to MAKE HER life fun, MAKE HER life worthwhile, MAKE HER less lonely, MAKE HER complete. None of that – could I be the prominent, independent and powerful Goddess? A Goddess who has her life organized the way she wants it, who does not NEED any support from anyone. Could I be a partner for this man? Maybe the only reason why my partner is the little child is because this is the only way I can handle him? (Man, this applies to you, too 🙂 Is there such a things as a “not right for me” man or woman then? What does it even mean? Not right for what? What do I need that they have to be right for? The only answer that I can come up with is – I am missing something and I need him to provide it. If he doesn’t – he is not right. Would God miss something? Is God in need of something? It doesn’t feel like this to me, when I’m fully open and present I am everything, I am the world and the love and the ecstasy. I am me. Whether there is anyone to reflect it or not – I am me. Whether there is anyone to hold space for me or not – I am me. It is wonderful to experience me in relationship to others, it is wonderful to hold space for the both of us to be who we are, fully and completely. But with or without it – I am me. Do I need a man? There is no need. Nothing to be done or fixed. The only person that needs the RIGHT man is the little girl. The only person that needs the RIGHT woman is the little boy. She does need space held for her, he does need reflection. She does need help with handling life, he does need someone to love and adore him. But there is no need in God.

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