Know What You Want

February 4, 2013

It was … yes, I think it might have been the hardest thing I have done, so far.

It took years.

First I left everything. The country I grew up in, the family I grew up with, the people I knew, the language I spoke, the position in society my education afforded me. My boyfriend.

I left and traveled to the other side of the world.

There I sat on a couch for a year, wondering. I did not know the answer to this question and it seemed the most bizarre thing, that I wouldn’t know. It is me after all, myself, my life. Who would know, if not me?

Shouldn’t it be the most normal, the most natural thing — to know?

But I didn’t.

The wizard said he would help me to find out and we worked together. For many, many years we worked until,

a decade later,

when I had a different name, different home, different place in society, different language I spoke in, different friends and a different family,

then at last I begin to discover, to uncover and to know

what it is that I want in life.

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