New Opening

July 23, 2009

I am done with my life, I realized recently. It’s been coming on for quite some time, as a feeling, sensations I couldn’t see clearly. And there was trauma clouding and distorting. But as the picture cleared, as my presence opened and the trauma left I realized that I am done with life. I am completed with life as it is usually understood and structured. I have a family, I have friends, I have a way of making money I enjoy and am good at, I live in a lovely place. Details of my life are organized as I want them to be. I realized that there is nothing more I need. I could work more and make more money, or I could work doing something else, I could move to an even lovelier place, to a different place, to a bigger house or just a different house. I could get another car, I could rescue another dog … I could get much more but, in essence, it would be more of the same. I already have all I need. Seen from mind’s point of view, seen from society’s perspective, my life is completed. Seen from my own point of view my life is now beginning. I am finished with organizing the outside according to the outside rules, I am completed with doing things to get other things. I am now free to be who I am. I am completed with organizing things that are considered necessary and important. Now I am free to organize things that are an expression of who I am. I am completed with existing inside of reality defined by others. Now I am free to create reality that makes sense to me only, because it is mine. I am completed with being Pausha Foley, age 34, a wife, polish immigrant, graphic designer. Now I am free to be whomever I wish in the world, even if the world has no name for it yet. I am completed with relating the way I was trained. Now I am free to relate the way I relate, even if my way of relating isn’t known in the world yet. Now that I have done what was expected of me, now that I have completed all that a person “should do in life”, I am free to be. Boundlessly, limitlessly, uniquely myself.

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