Read fairy tales!

July 5, 2008

What is the opportunity of being in relationship with others as only who you are? It’s the opportunity of anything to happen 🙂 A fairy tale, where magic happens around every corner and all we have to do to create what we want is to decide to do so! Because there are no limits, no restrictions. Not for us, not for anyone. I find it hard to find a subject for a post lately. It’s hard because the post has to be about something, there has to be an event, something separate from everything else … and there doesn’t seem to be one. There is only an open, endless space where “I” used to be. I am not always aware of it, actually I am mostly not aware of it (just ask my husband, he’ll tell you :), but when I sit down to write on this blog I take care to be who I really am, not my mind. And who I really am has no structure, no point of reference, no foothold, no nothing. It is not easy to be in this space, I find. My mind rebels against it, I have to let go of mind or go straight into reaction, get really scared, lost, unsure. I saw this dynamic really clearly one morning when I sat down at my computer to design something and realized that I am really scared and confronted. I’ve been designing professionally, full time (sometime more than full time) for about tree years now. And still whenever the time comes to create something new I am scared. I resist. I delay and dawdle as long as I can before sitting to my computer and finding out that … no ideas will come, or that they will come but I won’t be able to realize them … I am confronted because there is no rule, no structure for creating an image. I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know how, it just comes. It shows up, I can see it, and then there is the long travel through myriads of elements, effects, colors, shapes – until all of a sudden everything falls into place and suddenly there is a being on my screen that wasn’t there before. This process has no structure, it happens by itself, it works on me as much as I work on it. I never know how it will go, I never know if it will lead anywhere or I’ll spend hours on nothing, getting more and more frustrated. I don’t know … anything. That’s the point of it: not to know, just let go, let the image come up of its own. Let go of structure, let go of rules, even let go of ideas … it is scary, scary space to be in … with nothing to hold onto. Mind can not handle it. Mind can not contain it. In this space I am myself, I can only be who I am. But I resist and escape into easy, reliable, measurable and structured areas like programing websites, customizing style shits, producing newsletters, making templates … nice, easy, safe, repetitious stuff. My mind likes it, my mind can handle it. But this empty, unpredictable and boundless space is who I am. This is where I am myself. This is where my art comes from. This is where I need to be. I realized the other day that in this space, in this empty, boundless space, in this unstructured, endlessly open space – I am free. I can do anything and everything – because there is, literally, nothing to stop me. I this space life is a fairy tale affair: snap your fingers and it’s done. I am sure you have all heard, at one point or another, the sentence: “well, that’s life”. What I have to say is this: read fairy tales because, well, that’s life!

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