“How do you make decisions?”, someone asked me today, “what can you say about how to make decisions?”
“Do what you want”, I said, “and don’t do what you don’t want”.
It was all that I had to say about that, but I continued thinking about it, and looking, and considering, and I remembered an episode of a TV show I watched recently. In this episode a woman who has a wonderful husband, great and loving marriage full of romance and attraction, fantastic job, amazing son, is cheating on her husband. When the affair comes out, the husband asks her why she did it. And the audience asks the same question: why would she do it? She had everything, and everything she had was perfect. She had what others can only dream of, she had everything that makes people happy – and she messed it all up, she blew it … why?
Because it wasn’t enough, she said. Because once she had all of it … there was nowhere else to go, there was nothing else to do and, as her life became more and more confined to the perfection of her marriage, the marriage started to become a golden cage.
Any dream, no matter how beautiful, turns into a nightmare if we can’t wake up from it. [click to continue…] God in Relationship
“How do you make decisions?”, someone asked me today, “what can you say about how to make decisions?”
“Do what you want”, I said, “and don’t do what you don’t want”.
It was all that I had to say about that, but I continued thinking about it, and looking, and considering, and I remembered an episode of a TV show I watched recently. In this episode a woman who has a wonderful husband, great and loving marriage full of romance and attraction, fantastic job, amazing son, is cheating on her husband. When the affair comes out, the husband asks her why she did it. And the audience asks the same question: why would she do it? She had everything, and everything she had was perfect. She had what others can only dream of, she had everything that makes people happy – and she messed it all up, she blew it … why?
Because it wasn’t enough, she said. Because once she had all of it … there was nowhere else to go, there was nothing else to do and, as her life became more and more confined to the perfection of her marriage, the marriage started to become a golden cage.
Any dream, no matter how beautiful, turns into a nightmare if we can’t wake up from it. [click to continue…]
I met a man recently. A very interesting man, a man with whom I have some things in common, a man I can relate with in a way I can’t, quite, with my husband. I like this man. I thought today about organizing a project with him, working more closely with him. I shared the idea with Chris, he joked about a romance looming in my future … it was a joke … and it wasn’t.
I looked into how I feel about this man and I noticed that I didn’t know how I feel. There was a fuzzy, cloudy sort of feeling, an unconscious sort of feeling, much like how the body feels after a glass of wine. Not drunk, not out of control but just a little less in control, just a little less present, just a bit less clear.
As I looked into how I feel about this man I realized that in this fuzzy, cloudy space I can be pulled into all sorts of situations, whether I want to or not. There could be all sort of … pulls, seductions, reactions that were not a conscious choice, but that would happen on their own, that would pull me, push me, control me. [click to continue…]
I love the “Ally McBeal” TV show. I’ve been watching it back in Poland, and I am watching it again now. It’s about many things, this show, but mostly it is about love. Or what is called love. Or what is considered love.
I watched an episode last night. It was about people wanting to get other people to be with them rather that with someone else, it was about who will get whom, away from whom, to be with whom. It was about who will have whom, who will get whom, and who will not. And everyone in the episode was unhappy. Literally everyone. And they all talked about love. [click to continue…]
I drew my face the other night. It’s not an easy task, not for me anyway. It was hard, frustrating, challenging and delightful. I stared at my face in the mirror, stared at what was supposed to be my face on the page, at lines, shapes, curves, shadows, highlights, at the marks my pencil made on paper.
I looked, and looked, and looked. And as I looked, thoughts were running through my mind. “What are you doing?!” they asked, “why are you wasting time on this? There is no value to this, you should be working now, doing something that will bring some money, stop goffing around!”.
I listened and thought: God, how brainwashed I am! How controlled! How well trained I must be to believe that nothing has value unless I can get money for it, that doing what I want, what feels right, what feels good, is a useless waste of time. Because I can’t sell it, because it won’t make me known, famous, important. [click to continue…]
