My World

August 17, 2011

  The rocks were warm. Sunned for hours, they soaked up the heat and stored it within their glowing hearts. It radiated softly through their porous skin. “It feels so pleasant”, I thought, as I run up, jumping from rock to rock, from shelf to shelf, hardly touching the surface in my light slippers. “Like an elf”, I thought. It felt so pleasant to climb lightly and recklessly, higher and higher, up and onward and away from the road, away from the valley, away from the cabins and the coking fires. What looked like a wall broken into shelves, formed into steps by fallen boulders, climbing steadily upwards, turned out to be an entire world, a landscape of deep valleys and sharp peaks, of smooth-floored meadows overgrown by silvery grass, and forests of brush with their sharp, pointy branches and small shiny leaves. There were rocks as large as a head of a giant lying where they feel, with deep crevices left where they split on impact. It was quiet there, alien, the human world was only a story and I felt uneasy. I begun to walk slowly, climb cautiously, choosing the gentlest slopes and surest assents. No more running and jumping recklessly. I did not belong there. One false step, and the mountain would shake me off with hardly a flicker of it’s rocky fingers. [click to continue…]
“Contemporary spirituality” … what an interesting concept … what is it that we call “spirituality”, exactly? Is it subject to fashion? Or progress? Does God change with the times? Spirituality, defined as being present as what we truly are, appears to me to be beyond times, societies, theories, schools, ideas and concepts. We are – and we make up stories. And sometimes making up stories about what we truly are, and then studying those stories, is called spirituality. It always begins with an experience – let it end there.    
I can not think of anything that would render humans unconscious of the reality around us more effectively than the concepts of right and wrong, good and bad, just and unjust. While we focus on determining what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s just, what’s unjust, we are missing what’s so. To effect any change it is usefull to be present to the whole picture, to see the entire situation in all it’s implications. The ideas of rightness, justice, goodness, injustice, evil, limit the perspective drastically and make the change nearly impossible to occure.
How did I learn what I know? What teachers did I work with? What books have I read? What workshops have I attended? I can tell you all this, I can tell you the stories of my life but they will give you nothing at all. How did I learn what I know… I learned by choosing to look, by choosing to question, by choosing to consider. I learned by listening to others and then looking within myself for my response to their words, for my opinion, for my way of seeing what they see. I learned by looking inside to see my way of being me. [click to continue…]
It hit again this morning. I found a spot behind my ear, it wasn’t there before … or was it? Was it smaller? Did it grow? Have I seen it? Could I have forgotten? The initial feeling of “this is okay, there is no need to worry about this” was swallowed by fear, quickly. Fear soon turned into terror and I froze. My insides froze, my head froze. A straight jacket of fear kept me stiff, rigid. I could not think, I could not speak, I could not live. But this is not the first time, this has happened before. This fear has happened before. My mind knows that, while my body is torn to shreds, gutted, burned by fear. I can’t do anything, I am frozen, I can’t move. But this has happened before. Is this it? This time, is this it? Is it cancer? Will I die? Now?! [click to continue…]