God in Relationship
I walk around at night lately. It is amazing how reality changes – humans and their creations are asleep, nature is all-encompasingly present.
I find that I become wild, naturally and spontaneously, at night. I feel the presence of trees and plants as tangibly and clearly as the presence of a human being and I belong there. I am part of it, I am at home.
It changes when I come inside, mind’s structures becomes more pronounced, thoughts spin around and take over. The sense of wildness fades away.
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How do we change reality? How do we get rid of a system we don’t support? A president we don’t like? A way of being we disagree with? How do we change the world?
I just had a stray thought, it hit me so hard that I run to my computer abandoning the laundry I was doing at them moment, to write it down before it escaped me. It went something like this:
We all, more or less, agree that the world needs changing. One way or another. There are bad guys out there doing bad things that need to be stopped, good guys doing good things that need to be supported.
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I just talked to a potential client who wants a website designed. He wrote a couple of books about Zen implemented into the real life, along the lines of “Zen in the art of …” books, or so I understand from his description.
As I thought about the project all of a sudden it hit me – why would we try to make Zen “practical”, make it “useable” in the “real life”?
In fact, I realized, this is what I was trying to do for nearly all my years of being a “spiritual practitioner” of one sort or another. This was actually quite a big issue for me: I would have the wonderful practice, whether it was Zen or my work with Brooks, I would grow and develop … and my life still wouldn’t work!
Why didn’t my life work? Why was I a total disaster in relationships? Why was I always in need of money? What was the use of being a Goddess or passing another koan if it had no effect on my life?
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What does one do with a conflict in relationship? How do they happen and why? How is it that people get angry, resentful or hurt without knowing why, stay that way for no apparent reason, in a middle of it all forget what even happened at the beginning?
Relationships were always a mystery to me. Why do I have them? Why should I have them? Where does the dependency end and partnership begin?
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I heard yesterday that I don’t do what I say I do. That I don’t act in alignment with who I say I am, with how I say I think and relate. I heard that I say one thing and then do quite the opposite.
I was angry. I felt judged, accused, misunderstood, not received, not heard. I haven’t done much more than standing silently and glaring with fury at my accuser. There was no yelling, no hitting back, because at the back of my mind, behind all those emotions, there was a thought: what a great reflection this is for me!
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